Since my birthday is close to the end of January, it — more than the official new year — has often been a starting point for me.
Yes, I did just make a post about not liking resolutions, but sometimes life makes a commitment to formal change necessary.
You see, my daughter grew up.
For over twenty years, a key factor in every decision that I made was affected by the fact that I was (and still am) a parent. But, parenting a newly minted adult is really a whole different thing. My role has been redefined as something akin to a reference librarian. And, since I can field those kinds of questions from just about anywhere and at any time (thanks to modern technology), the solid, immovable parameters that parenting put around my life aren’t so solid or immovable anymore.
At first, this change felt like I was mourning the passing of My Parenting Era. The whole thing had echoes of grief and loss. But, why should I mourn a job well done?
My daughter is healthy, happy, mostly settled, and off on her own adventure.
The awareness of the empty space left by this transition did make itself known by the absence of something that I held dear, that had defined me for a very long time.
But, since there was nothing to be down about, the key seems to have been to see that space as something that I can once again figure out how to fill with myself.
So, over the course of the January that is about to end, I put in the work — a lot of work — to try and clarify things. Since my work life and my creative life are one and the same (lucky, I know), the question boiled down to staring at the blank canvas before me and getting comfortable with that emptiness for a bit. Once I got comfortable, my brain began to quiet down. And that lead me to some clarity.
There are myriad formulae/plans/hacks/whatever that can get at information needed to move forward. But, unless I set aside the time to sit with what I learn, in silence, and make peace with it, I have a difficult time moving forward.
So, here’s to moving forward. Cheers!